One never does anything unless they have some benefit from it

 

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned from Freud, although he didn’t phrase it exactly this way, is that people never do anything without some expected benefit. To truly understand people, we must comprehend their motives. There is no behavior without a motive; every action is directed towards satisfying that motive. 

Of course, the motive may often be unconscious. There is no such thing as incomprehensible behavior; there is only behavior we haven’t yet been able to understand. Everything a person does, no matter how irrational or crazy it may seem, is aimed at fulfilling some need of theirs. 

People’s needs do not always have to be developmental or healthy; satisfying them doesn’t necessarily have to be good for them. Freud called the unconscious satisfaction of a need underlying a symptom “secondary gain”—an unconscious emotional benefit. It’s important to understand this. 

A person can do all sorts of things to their detriment, leading to various problems. We might say their behavior is meaningless or useless. However, we won’t help them change until they understand what benefit they gain from their irrational behavior, what motivation they satisfy through it, and what their “secondary gain” is. 

The most common secondary gains from various neurotic behaviors include: 

• attracting attention,
• receiving care and nurture,
• avoiding responsibility,
• escaping adulthood,
• clinging to others to maintain dependency,
• atoning for unconscious guilt.

So, if you find yourself behaving foolishly and irrationally, consider what benefit you derive from it, what you gain. The answer “nothing” is unacceptable because it is psychologically impossible. There is no behavior without motive. Until you uncover those hidden motives, you’ll be driving yourself. If you still can’t find motives for your own foolishness—then it’s time to rush to therapy to understand.