Traumatic bonding to the abuser
Can nations and groups of people become traumatically bonded to an abuser in the same way that individuals do in relationships? “Will Jack forgive me for hitting me?”
The answer to this question, when it comes to smaller groups, is known. Such bonding has been termed Stockholm Syndrome, describing the psychological state that arises in situations where a kidnapper and hostage develop a bond.
There is also the phenomenon known as traumatic or traumatic bonding, which refers to emotional connections with an individual (and sometimes with a group) that arise from a repetitive, cyclical pattern of abuse, maintained by intermittent reinforcement through rewards and punishments. A traumatic bond typically involves a victim and perpetrator in a one-sided relationship, where the victim forms an emotional attachment to the perpetrator. This can also be conceptualized as the dynamic of the dominated-dominator or the abused-abuser. Two main factors contribute to establishing a traumatic bond: an imbalance of power and intermittent reinforcement of good and bad treatment, or reward and punishment.
Traumatic bonding can occur in romantic relationships, parent-child relationships, incestuous relationships, cults, hostage situations, sex trafficking (especially of minors), or official duties among military personnel…
But can an entire nation, or a subgroup within a nation, develop a traumatic bond with an abuser?
It is logical to assume that it can. The psychological mechanisms that occur in smaller groups can also play out in larger groups. I wonder how prevalent traumatic bonding to abusers is in our nation, both domestic and foreign. I question how we are currently situated when we need to choose, effectively faced with a choice between two groups of abusers, and which parts of the population are inclined toward one or the other type of traumatic bonding.
For domestic abusers, it is clear who they are, as they are evident in everyday life. But who are our foreign abusers? After the Turks, Austro-Hungarians, Germans, English, and NATO… this “collective West” that bombards us, conditions us, takes away our territory… I wonder if the “pro-European or pro-Western orientation” is a phenomenon similar to traumatic bonding with an abuser? I do not claim this, I am merely pondering. Why would someone align with a group that has abused their nation?
Why would an abused woman return to her abuser?
Hypotheses:
- Fear of the abuser’s revenge: “He will find me, he will kill me, he will beat me, he will take everything from me; he is powerful… he is bad, but I have to endure him out of fear…”
- Attachment to the abuser and a poor self-image, with hope for change: “He is good at heart; I was just bad and irritated him. If I improve, he will forgive me for hitting me… and he promised me he would change, so I hope this time…”
- Benefit from the abuser: “He is wealthy, he is powerful, he will provide me with material security. Or, he is known, influential, valued… being with him will make me feel respected, even if I am not noteworthy. If I please him, perhaps I will gain some value…”
- Add your own thoughts…
Are similar processes occurring within parts of our nation? I do not mean to refer to politicians, as they are mostly driven by personal gain, but I wonder what is happening in the minds of those of us who elect them. Is there any choice that is not directed by the psychology of traumatic bonding?
- Fear? “It’s better to align ourselves with the stronger, even if they are abusers; we will feel safer…”
- Attachment to the abuser and a poor self-image? “They are good; it’s just that some of our leaders made mistakes and annoyed them, these civilized ones, and maybe the ‘collective Jack’ will forgive us for being hit if we comply, meet all the demands and criteria, and show that we’ve improved… perhaps he will even allow us into his ‘civilizational garden’ where love will bloom for us too…”
- Benefit: “They are wealthy and powerful; they will provide us with standards and security. Maybe we, if accepted, will become a respected and civilized nation. We will be grateful to Jack for hitting us because he raised us this way…”
Psychological research shows that traumatic bonds have serious harmful effects on victims not only while the bond exists but also afterward. Some long-term impacts of traumatic bonding include, but are not limited to, remaining in violent relationships, detrimental mental health outcomes such as low self-esteem, negative self-image, and an increased likelihood of depression and bipolar disorder, as well as perpetuating a transgenerational cycle of abuse.
I wonder if this transgenerational cycle of abuse is happening to us, along with the described consequences.
Of course, the hardest question is how to break free from it. In individual psychotherapy, it is difficult to help a victim escape their vicious cycle, let alone an entire nation. “So what do we do now?” This unanswered question has lingered since the last Eurovision. The question for this Eurovision is whether our Lilac Ramondas will bloom in the European garden.