Addiction framework
A person can be dependent on various things: drugs, alcohol, medications, sex, masturbation, pornography, food, sweets, salty foods, workaholism, power, authority, and other people… The list is long, and few can say they haven’t grappled with at least some addictions at some point in their lives.
What is addiction? It’s an exaggeration in something, a lack of control over that exaggeration, accompanied by the feeling that “it’s stronger than me”… and it’s harmful (the exaggeration) to my health, appearance, and psychological state.
Why do people do things they shouldn’t do? Things that are excessive and detrimental to them. Because they aren’t doing what they should be doing. They need to grow, fulfill their developmental tasks, and feel satisfaction when meeting their developmental needs.
One of the laws I formulated in the OLI method states: “People do what they shouldn’t do because they aren’t doing what they must do to grow and fulfill their developmental tasks.”Dependencies are comforts, sedatives for the pain of unfulfilled developmental needs. “I drink to bury my sorrows…” a song says… but the continuation of the verse says, “but desire only grows stronger.” Within this lies the pattern behind every dependency. “The principle is always the same; everything else is just nuances,” as the wisdom left to us by Đole (Serbian singer) reminds us.
The principle of dependency is a principle of comfort, a comforting reward that numbs pain, sorrow, fear, and anger… due to the unfulfillment of genuine developmental needs. A comforting reward cannot satisfy a developmental need; it is insufficient, and “desire only grows stronger.” We need more and more of what we are dependent on, a stronger dose… creating a vicious cycle.
People try to break free, to rid themselves of “bad habits,” to discipline themselves… sometimes they succeed, only to return to old patterns.
The only true way out of this vicious cycle is through growth—recognizing what we truly need but aren’t working on fulfilling. We stagnate… Satisfy the “original” and claim the main reward, not just the consolation prize. Dependency then lacks the “fuel” it needs—the pain it aims to “kill.”
It is true that growth can be painful, but in a different way. That pain (just like muscles ache when we train) feels good because we sense ourselves becoming stronger and more alive… It serves the purpose of development and makes sense.